Sunday, February 16, 2014

I think the hardest part was that you made me believe I wasn't a good person anymore. You MADE me into someone who wasn't a good person anymore. And I have never actually stopped to think about whether YOU were a good person or not. I always brushed aside your actions for anger issues or trouble from the past. But you never tried to ever fix that or better yourself. I'm seeing that now. You truly aren't a good person. You see the things you're doing wrong but instead of fixing them, you ignore them for a while, cover up, lie about it, then explode and make yourself out to be the victim and everyone else around you is guilty. Which is such a bullshit way of living. Because you wrong others, smash everything in your path, act like a douchebag, lash out, scream yell fight destroy, say whatever makes YOU feel good in the moment. You don't ever try to fix anything, you bottle it up and then get angry at the world. The world did you wrong, the world should have seen it. So people get double hurt, not only for trying to help you while you're supposedly "fixing" yourself (lying about it) but then when you decide you're sick of lying and then lash out. And everyone else is at wrong for not dealing with it. Everyone else is awful, everyone else has wronged you, everyone else is a bad person. 
Stop acting like a victim, stop saying you just want to be a good person, stop saying how you're so messed up and you're trying and all this bullshit. I always thought you were a good person, just given too much bad in the past. But I'm seeing now that you never changed and you aren't someone good. And I don't think you ever will be. 
Caring for someone like you is trying to pick up broken glass. I'm the only one that gets hurt. Truly hurt, not your version of victim hurt. Because I believe in you too much, because I give you too much credit, because I think for once you'll actually care enough to hold yourself back or care enough to make an effort to be better. But you're just full of lies and deception and hurtful words and just something really bad and poisonous. You always regret the things you've said and done to me but you were not the one being hit by those things.